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I pay my respects and acknowledge all Traditional Custodians of Country and on whose land I live and work. I recognise their continuing connection to land, waters and culture. I pay my respects to their Elders past and present.
Always was, always will be.

Welcome to this week's useletter

focussing on your future not my past, a newsletter that's useful.

Waaay back in the day. On a whole other continent. In a time of uncommon email. And writing by hand was a thing to stay in touch. You’d have once found me stood at a fancy London postbox. Letter in damp hand, poised to post. Intent to have no regret for what I was about to do. Not oblivious to the content. Just oblivious.

Not one of the great relationship moments in my life.

I can still see it. And distinctly remember my pausing. Knowing how my girlfriend might greet its message. I was missing her and I was grumpy with her. 🤦🏻‍♂️

It didn’t end well.

That was fair.

The thing was, I was so caught up in my own intense feelings, that I entirely forgot to consider how I wanted her to feel. Not really. Not in any selfless way.

This is not to give relationship advice, I’m probably the last person that should do that. What needs to be highlighted was my failure to consider how I would like someone else to feel in our interactions. Looking back, it’s one that stood out.

Hopefully I’ve got better at thinking of others first.

My trick is to pause first, and ask myself: “How do I want them to feel?”

This fortnight’s useletter is all about that question.

But first, an experiment.

I’m regularly pondering on how to make the useletter more useful. And about what experiments to try. So I’m mashing ‘em up and getting meta. In future useletters I’ll be experimenting with including an experiment for us all to try. Sometimes it might be related to the topic I’ve chosen. Sometimes the experiment might be the point.

This week, it’s the point.

I got you

Michael

Over the next fortnight, every time you write an email, start a conversation, give a presentation, respond to a text message, etc. Ask yourself,

"How do I want them to feel?"

Better still,

“What kind of experience do I want to create for the people who are reading my communication or following my direction?” - Kerry Goyette

You have the ability to make people feel seen, heard and reassured. Alternately you might make them feel ignored, undervalued and affronted. What’s your preference?

Pausing to ask this question will, at worst, give you a moment for consideration. Should I be sending off a regrettably narky email? And if I do, how might they feel? At best, it might assist in crafting a more thoughtful and intentional response. Helping with creating a more empathetic space of nurturing, courage or delight. It’s an act of leadership, might I suggest?

I realise some people might consider an attempt to evoke a specific emotional response manipulative. And it is. It comes down to intention. Is the intention generous, or machiavellian? It’s generous if your intention is to create a positive experience in support of the other person. Anything else is potentially selfish, and machiavellian.

Remember, unlike me and my grumpy letter, it’s not about you.

From a more prosaic viewpoint, you should also recognise that this is marketing. Whilst many marketers might tell you marketing is what you tell people about your organisation, it’s only half of it. Marketing is also people’s objective experience with your organisation. What’s the experience you want them to have? How do you want them to feel?

Derek Sivers, founder of CD Baby, told a fabulous example of the impact this posture can have. CD Baby's team went out of their way to ensure any customer with a complaint or a problem were fully refunded and recompensed in whatever way they desired. He subsequently found many of their energetic complainants became CD Baby’s biggest fans and loudest promotors. They had been made to feel seen, heard and valued. Marketing wasn’t the point but a side-effect of their empathy.

So I'm experimenting with being more mindful of asking this question. For this useletter, I wanted you to feel engaged, wiser and delighted by what you’ve read and learnt. And keen to dive into experimenting with me, especially.

You got this

PS: How’d I do?

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