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I pay my respects and acknowledge all Traditional Custodians of Country and on whose land I live and work. I recognise their continuing connection to land, waters and culture. I pay my respects to their Elders past and present.
Always was, always will be.

Hello to all the awesome unmeasured

humble apologies, I made a mistake in the last useletter on compassion. In haste I forgot to preview before scheduling and some text was in the background colour! It's an occasional and annoying glitch, easily picked up by previewing. I learnt to remember to pause a moment and ensure each task receives the attention required to be done properly. Then move to the next thing. FYI: You might also have noticed it could still be read if you highlighted the text. Also happy to resend, let me know.

Whether a Twit or not, it's hard to avoid the Twitter kerfuffle. Elan deficit disorder is rampant on all platforms nevertheless. The right calling out the left, the left calling out the right, the self-righteous calling out the ignorant, etc, etc. It's exhausting. Mostly achieving little more than escalating arguments and reinstate positions.

There's a better way to have these "conversations". One that can lead to meaningful change. Last week at the Compassion Revolution Conference we all received a masterclass in "Calling In" instead of "Calling Out" by way of Mary Freer's example. It's something I need to get better at, and an approach worth sharing this week.

I got you

Michael

calling in

When seeking to create change, foster spaces of inclusion and belonging, we must must recognise and challenge bad or inappropriate behaviour. Calling out this behaviour publicly is best in a context of urgency, demonstrating what is and isn't acceptable. It's not always the best way when dealing with individuals. Publicly blaming or shaming can lead to defensiveness, retreat from engagement or bolster a position and worldview.

Calling someone in requires us to engage with them directly. Speaking to them to start a conversation. We do this quietly and privately. It might start a question.

"What did you mean by...? Why do you think that?"

"I'm curious what you meant when you said...?"

"It might not have been your intention but were you aware of the impact of saying...?"

By calling someone in, we acknowledge we all make mistakes. There's often no malicious intent in the behaviour. Calling in is to help someone see why their behaviour is harmful. Showing them how to change with compassion and patience. The behaviour might have been inadvertent and a reminder might be welcomed. For example, I unintentionally used the wrong pronouns for someone at the conference. By calling me in, it helped me to do better and I was reminded in a way that avoided shaming me.

I quickly realised as I did some more reading, there's far too much to this topic for a brief useletter. For those that want to dive in a little deeper there's many resources online, here's a couple of good ones I came across in my research:

Harvard Diversity Inclusion & Belonging.

Calling In Vs. Calling Out/ How to Talk About Inclusion | Inc.

I'm also curious how we might also use the same generous approach to open up better professional conversations. Rather than dictating what they should think or know, opening a space in which there's an opportunity to converse and rethink a position or belief. What might change if instead of calling out those people that belittle the architecture profession, its work or design output, we saw it as an opportunity to call them in?

Let's all commit to doing better at calling in, instead of calling out.

You got this.

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