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Hi, it's Michael and welcome to this week's useletter.
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It's the newsletter that's useful. Focussing on your future not my past.
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Are you ready for a bombshell?
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Arguments are inevitable.
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And an intrinsic part of our working and personal relationships.
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we won’t agree all the time.
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(I dare you to disagree!)
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(OK, I know you knew that.)
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This has already been the gist of a previous useletter about negotiation: No losing. No winning. Which could equally have been about arguments.
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But I've got a different take this fortnight.
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Same sh!t, different bucket, if you like.
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Because how we navigate arguments is key in our leadership.
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And it requires two central leadership skills.
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This fortnight I want to discuss applying them to a technique known as steel manning (which from now on I’ll call steel folking.) Steel folking is a practice of making another person’s argument stronger, in an act of empathy.
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It’s a more generous way to argue. A way in which the disagreement can be more readily and easily resolved. Ultimately that’s an act of leadership.
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PS: I’m not aware of alternate terms that readily avoid the gendered language involved in this concept. Apologies for the clunkiness in my non-gendered terminology.
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Steel manning
As I noted above, steel folking is a practice of making a person’s argument stronger. It’s the opposite of creating a straw man (folk), hence the term. It's an approach that may sound counterintuitive, when it comes to resolving a disagreement, but please allow me to explain!
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According to philosopher Daniel Dennett, in an argument you can use 4 steps to create a steel folk.
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- Describe the other person’s argument succinctly and fairly – that way they know you understand their position.
- Describe any points of agreement – at least then you’ll both see that there’s some common ground and it helps moving forward if it’s not all disagreement.
- Note what you might have learnt from the other person – this shows you’re open-minded and willing to engage in their point of view.
Those last two steps allow the person to save face too, and they may no longer feel so defensive about their position.
- It’s now from this point you’re free to begin to calmly rebut their position, argue your own, or critique theirs. This should allow you to both work together in a more friendly and empathetic way to come to a point of agreement.
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Next time you have a serious disagreement that needs to be resolved,
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PS: Whenever you’re ready,
there's 3 ways I can help.
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How to Save Time
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5 key strategies for finding more time in your practice day
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When speaking to countless architects about the challenges of practice, the singular and universal obstacle they all face is not having enough time.
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Saying No
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5 key concepts and strategies on saying no
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How many things have you said yes to in the last week or two and immediately regretted? Saying no is a skill. It requires emotional intelligence. And it can be learnt.
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Workshops to elevate your leadership
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Master a more creative model of leadership.
Build a more adaptable and efficient practice.
Unleash the collective energy, passion, and capabilities of your people
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Free 45 minute leadership clarity consultation
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recent useful blog posts...
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It might be time for the architecture profession’s leaders to starting learning form the ground up.
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There’s two main ways to stand out. Be different. or Be better. Copying is the route to unexceptional.
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Or…
do architects do too many of the wrong things?
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“Always remember that to argue, and win, is to break down the reality of the person you are arguing against. It is painful to lose your reality, so be kind, even if you are right.”
- Haruki Murakami
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