We often wait too long to be noticed, to be asked, or to be picked. It doesn’t get you as far and as quickly as choosing yourself does. Too often I’ve waited. Wondering why no-one is seeing me or picking me. That was my mistake. It took me far too long to realise this. It wasn’t the case in everything I did, and what I can see now with decades of perspective and experience, is that my greatest successes came from those times I chose myself. I recently spoke about it in a podcast interview on Origins: A creative journey, with Rick Kitagawa and Christopher De Felippo.
East to say.
Less easy to do.
There’ might be’s often fear or uncertainty. And a good place to start when your amygdala kicks in, is to do the Fear Setting exercise I wrote about in my previous post – How to overcome fears and anticipate failures.
Ultimately, choosing yourself is about motivation to make change happen.
To step up, or lean in, to lead and create something new in the world.
Noticing
What is it that you’re wanting to happen, or achieve, but feel frustrated with?
What’s the thing you think someone should be doing something about?
What are you noticing you’re paying more attention to?
These are questions that might be clues to recognising you might need to pick yourself in order to address that thing you’ve noticed.
Care in choosing yourself
Choosing yourself isn’t necessarily easy and we know it can be scary. So make sure you prioritise your own wellbeing. Maintain healthy boundaries around time, responsibilities and expectation. Be kind to yourself, be patient, and forgive yourself your missteps.
Worth also acknowledging Imposter Syndrome may not be your friend in choosing yourself. It might require you to stand out, go first, or work against convention and expectation. Find the support you need. Be willing to say ‘no’ when it feels too much or you’re unsure – saying ‘no’ makes space for a future ‘yes’.
Make a safe space
If you’re working on something big and scary, you want to be working in a supportive and encouraging environment. A space that builds you up, not tears you down. As I regularly say, you never need to work alone. Find mentors, a coach, or a square squad that’s holding space for you.
Where do you need to be heard?
You need to be heard by the right people. If you’re choosing to lead: who are you leading, and where might they hear you? If you’re choosing to make change: who or what are you changing, and who needs to hear it in order to support it? What’s the message you want people to hear, who are those people, and where do they hang out? Start with small messages and build your confidence. Experiment with different things. Don’t be afraid to fail, each failure is just another step closer to success.
Acknowledge your wins
We’re hard wired for the negative, so staying positive is always a challenge. When the work you’re doing in choosing yourself is hard, noting your wins, big or small, will help you stay motivated. Share them with others. Make it a daily or weekly ritual. Post the win somewhere (or write it down in a journal). What’s your win for the day? – find something, even if it was sitting at your desk when you felt too tired to do so. If a daily practice is too much, you might prefer noting three wins of the week. Share them so others can celebrate with you. If all you see is failure, but you now know what doesn’t work, that’s a win.
Look to the horizon
When we’re chasing a Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG), we can get caught in chasing the big wins. We have a tendency to overestimate what we can do in a day, but underestimate what we can achieve in a year. Work out the steps it will take to get to the goal on the horizon. Keep them small and achievable, and focus on getting those done each day. Be kind to yourself if you don’t get them done that day (or week). Look to the horizon, but celebrate each step.
If not you, then who?
It’s a good question to ask at the outset. Perhaps others are too fearful or unable. Can you see something that no-one else can? Are you waiting for someone else to act? Are others waiting for you to act?
If not you, then who?
It’s a good mantra to help keep you moving and motivated.
You’re the person who can do it.
You got this.
AI image generated in Canva
