On the back of my podcast interview on Origins: A creative journey, with Rick Kitagawa and Christopher De Felippo, I’m sharing how to use the Fear Setting exercise I mentioned. And in my next post I’ll expand upon what choosing yourself looks like.
You might want to listen to the podcast first (link), but it’s not essential. Here’s Rick’s generous summary:
Choose yourself. The most powerful advice I’ve gotten in my experience of hanging out with world-class coaches, leaders and executives, yet it can seem overly reductive, since most people don’t tell you how to do it.
But in this latest episode of Origins A Creative Journey where Christopher De Felippo and I sit down in a conversation with coach, architect, and all around ruckus-maker Michael Lewarne, he breaks down what choosing oneself looks like, how to foster the muscles around it, and how he manages fear of the unknown.
I’ve had the privilege of working alongside Michael as coaches in the altMBA, and I’ve seen firsthand how his coaching can transform people into leaders- architects or otherwise. So I’m super excited to introduce him to Origins listeners.
Thanks again to Rick and Chris for inviting me on, being so generous in their comments, and for making the space for me to rabbit on about myself and the way I see the world. 🙏🏻
Fear setting
This is an exercise I stole from Tim Ferriss (frankly, it’s too good not to).
It’s also an exercise I’ve suggested to the majority of my clients, as part of their practice.
To maximise the benefit, I’ve tweaked Tim’s Fear Setting exercise by combining it with a Pre-mortem. The distinction is contingent upon whether it’s a project (where calling it a mortem is more accurate), or whether it’s a task or an action you need to take (where fears might come to the fore).
Where to use it
What’s scaring the s#!t out of you? A big project, like starting an architecture practice, rethinking the design of your practice, quitting and moving to a new job, etc. Is there smaller that you want to do the best possible job on, like giving a presentation, giving or receiving a staff review, preparing a report, etc? This is a process to be used in all manner and scale of situations.
Note: if it feels scary or uncomfortable, it’s usually a sign to it’s something you must do.
(And shouldn’t be avoiding.)
Beginnings
Get a pen and a few sheets of paper, or whatever manner of tech authoring app floats your boat.
Create 3 columns and at the top label them in order: Define, Prevent, Repair
Define
Make a list of the worst things that could happen. This includes the things you fear and/or might fail. List as many as come to mind. List all, it doesn’t work if you hide from addressing any.
Why
Because you want to anticipate any eventuality so that you can plan ahead. Also, by identifying all your fears and writing them down, it’s likely they won’t seem as bad as they were in your mind.
Prevent
For every single fear or failure listed in the Define column make an exhaustive list of how you might prevent them from happening. And I mean exhaustive. Keep going until you can’t list any more and then come up with another five. That’s when the best ideas come.
Why
This is the fun (and constructive) bit. If you’ve worked really hard at this you might now have a whole lot of actions you can take to ensure the best possibility of success. And substantially reduced your fears. You’ve probably also now had some more brilliant ideas or insights to further improve your project or actions.
Repair
So… sadly the thing you were afraid might happen still happend for all your preventative action. What can you do to repair that bad thing? What actions can you now take to address the fear or failure? Write down as many as possible. Keep going.
Why
It’s impossible to control everything. Things can go wrong. Often the hardest part, when you’re in the middle of the failure, is taking action once it’s gone wrong. Now you’ve thought ahead to this possibility and you’ve a repair plan – a clear course of action you decided ahead of time with a more dispassionate mindset.
Questions for taking action
The second half of this is to ask yourself a number of additional questions.
They’re designed to help nudge you into action. In this part of the exercise don’t be tempted to avoid writing down your answers. Don’t just noodle on them in your head – you’re hiding from fear if you’re avoiding committing to them in writing. Don’t be tempted to cheat. Answering the questions properly will help move you forward and give deeper consideration to the job at hand.
Is it reversible?
Are there steps you can take to repair the damage that might occur in taking action? If ‘yes’, then it’s reversible and there’s little reason not to act. If ‘no’ proceed more cautiously, but it’s not a reason to avoid action. Give more thought and time to the ‘prevent’ and ‘repair’ solutions.
What might be the benefits of an attempt or partial success?
Failure is an option, but it’s unlikely to be a total failure. If there’s value in trying and failing, the best advice is to proceed.
What’s the cost of inaction?
Emotionally, physically, financially, etc. Write down answers for: now, in 6 months, 1 year and 3 years.
Is the pain of inaction greater than that of taking action? It’s likely that if this is something important (big or small) there’s a cost in not taking action. Writing it down assists you in understanding what the cost is.
What are you waiting for?
If your answer is some version of, “Until the time is right”, you’re probably putting this decision, or action, off out of fear. The time is never perfectly right. Remember you’ve a plan and you can see the cost of inaction.
Who can help
As I’ve written on many occasions, you don’t need to do anything alone. Find the people that can support and help you. In the podcast I talked about many of the people that have supported me on my journey, but there were so many more along the way I didn’t have the opportunity to mention. Help is always available.
Often the answer to a challenge you’re facing is in who can help, not how do you do it.
Dance with the fear
The reality is the fear doesn’t entirely go away. But if you do the fear setting exercise, you’ll fear less. You’ll have a plan and hopefully some better ideas, helping minimise the potential for failure.
Doing something new often feels scary. We need to learn to dance with that fear. And whilst fear setting might not help avoid fear altogether, it gives us some cool moves to use when dancing with it.
Image by Origins: A Creative Journey
